Episode 99 : I am the fool

I left my dreams with broken strings
It's time I learnt to talk
Stop falling over things
Teach myself to walk
I'm not a superman
Or Mr. Wonderful because
I'm the fool I never
Fool I never thought I was

It started out with a mild interest in each other. After a few weeks, it became apparent.

'This will not work between us' she said.

'I see' I said. But I did not.

'We could still keep in touch...'

'Are you sure you want that?'

'I do, if you do not have a problem with that.'

I did not, like the umpteen times before. Except perhaps a couple of times.

Weeks passed. "Keeping in touch" turned out to be limited. My messages on instant messengers were not replied to while SMS-es received the odd response.

One day I messaged asking if we could meet. Just like that.

She did not respond. I asked if the request bothered her.

'It did not bother me. I was surprised that you wanted to meet.'

Pray, why should it be so surprising?

I'm the know-it-all
Trying to mend his broken heart
But I don't know who to call
And I don't know where to start

After all these years and after plenty of experiences, I still believe what I am told. Is it because there is a sliver of hope that it will come true?

Where is my healthy dose of cynicism when I need it the most? Do I exhaust it by the time I really need it?

Am I your one true love?
Or am I too late for your applause?
I'm the fool I never
Fool I never thought I was
Darling, I'm the fool I never
Fool I never thought I was

I wonder what "keep in touch" means for them.

And I deserve it for being so naive.

Oh yes, it is very easy to dub it as their loss. That is exactly what I am going to do. But where will it take me?

Colleague and I were returning from the office cafeteria and I was animatedly talking about the ad posters in the floor above us. As we entered our office, he asked whether I knew the two girls that we passed on our way.

I said no.

'They were smiling at you.'

'They were not looking at me.'

'They were smiling AT YOU!!'

'I don't know who they are! Maybe they were amused by my sideburns'. I paused and added 'Or maybe they were smiling at you'.

That is where I end up.

Total denial.