Episode 273 : A comedy of horrors

The warning signs were there, but I was blind to them...

The story of my ride to Ooty in January this year begins with the Madras boys' plan to stay over at my place- four people. And one of them, DeeJay, was riding down from Nagpur instead.

I expect to see 3 of them getting home by evening. And DeeJay by night.

Cutting a long story short, two pop in later in the night. The third reaches at around midnight. And DeeJay calls every hour to say 'Macha I am 150km away from Bangalore da'.

I am horrified. Will he reach Bangalore before I leave for Ooty?

He does. At 3am. 10 minutes before my alarm rang to wake me up!

DeeJay catches up on some sleep while I complete packing. I must have snoozed for an hour at the most.

I had asked Rocky if he could bring my laptop to Ooty so that I can ride unencumbered. I tell him I will see him at the entrance to Bangalore University at 6am.

The five of us plan to start together from my place, 30km away from Bangalore University. It gets late by the time I lock the door.

At 6am, I leave the boys behind and rush to Bangalore University. I know I am late.

At the entrance to Bangalore University, I see a motorcycle parked next to a tea shop. The "send-off" batch were having tea, so I join them for a cuppa before resuming my chase.

I hope to catch Rocky at the pre-determined breakfast stop, but he is so enthralled by his new Bolero that he misses the stop completely. I catch up with the Bangalore boys instead and give my laptop to one of them.

I finish breakfast and see the Madras boys enter. At the same time, a few guys from Delhi stop at the same place for breakfast. A few pleasantries later I realise I am still in Mission Catch-Up Mode and start.

Just outside Channapatna I see a familiar motorcycle catching up. It is a person we call Simply Shine Dot Com for his ability to do ridiculous stunts while riding a motorcycle. He takes the lead and I make a pretence to follow him. Some traffic just before Srirangapattinam ensures I lose him completely.

It looks like I am on a solo ride. I am mildly horrified. Solo rides are getting boring now, I want company!

I enter Mysore and soon get onto the road to Nanjangud. Just before the Pugmark restaurant, I see the Bangalore boys huddled in a large circle. A few of them are working on a flat tyre while the rest watch and poke fun. I join them, ostensibly to help, but find poking fun is more fun.

It takes quite a while. The puncture is obstinate and refuses to get fixed. A few stay back while the rest of us make a move to Ooty. As the ghat climb begins, I decide to keep moving instead of taking a break. Will my bike make the steep climb without stopping even once?

It does and soon I am in Ooty. Two guys from Madras spot me and we exchange pleasantries. They think I rode down with them. While I have no clue as to who they are! The rest of the Bangalore gang catches up and we all have lunch.

I tell myself that the horror stories have come to an end. But when horror has to resume, it does. Two days later, we get ready to return to Bangalore- no, this is not the horrifying part!

I give my laptop to Rocky just before he starts. I will take it from you at Bangalore, I tell him. How prophetic it turned out!

The "I-want-to-ride-through-Satyamangalam-not-Kalhatti" Jehadi and I start together. Reminiscent of our ride from Coonoor in May 2006 when I moved to Bangalore from Madras. We descend down Kalhatti instead of taking the less strenuous Pykara Lake route on our way back and my brakes heat up quickly when the driver of a Swift DZire does not let me overtake him for a couple of kilometres.

I am horrified. Memories of the Mussoorie-Dehradun descent play in my mind.

We stop at Kalhatti to let the brakes cool. After a break of chai and fresh carrots, we resume descending. I take the lead at Masinagudi and soon enter the Mudumalai forest.

But The Jehadi is nowhere to be found. After what seems like an hour, I see him ride out slowly. I promptly start my bike and move... and stop again after a few metres to see why The Jehadi is not catching up with me.

The Jehadi had pulled over and points at his headlight. I see nothing wrong with it, but go back to him anyway.

He points again, and I see he is pointing at the front tyre.

Flat.

I am horrified, but just mildly.

With a flourish, I pull out a can that we can use to inflate a punctured tyre to get a car to a puncture-fixer. I hope it will last till Masinagudi where the nearest puncture-fixer is. The bike moves for a metre and the tyre is flat again!

It looks like the tube is torn instead of getting punctured. I am more horrified. I give The Jehadi my bike to fetch the puncture-fixer, but after half an hour he returns with tools instead of the guy.

Horror! We have to remove the tyre, The Jehadi will take the tyre with him, get the puncture fixed and then we can make a move.

Why? Because of a demise in the family, the puncture-fixer is not free.

So we remove the tyre. The Jehadi gets into a jeep with the tyre. I wait.

And wait.

And wait.

The Delhi boys go by. Some other riders go by. Four Bangalore folks go by.

Suddenly a car reverses and a window rolls down. Four more Bangalore people are in it. They offer to help, but I send them on their way.

'Call if you need help' one of them suggests.

'I am in a no-coverage area!' I mumble.

He laughs. Shitluck indeed! Horror!!

The Jehadi returns at 3.30. We fix the tyre but something feels wrong. So The Jehadi returns to Masinagudi to check the tyre alignment, while I go to Pugmark to have lunch.

As I finish my lunch, The Jehadi enters.

He has a quick lunch and we dash off to Mysore. We enter Mysore at sunset and make a move an hour later in which we catch up with an old friend of The Jehadi's.

As we approach Mandya, I have a smile on my lips. I recall the tyre-burst incident and think I've put it past me.

Around a 100m from a traffic signal, I go over a speed breaker with a bump. As I approach the signal in Mandya town, I can feel the bike dragging.

I fervently hope it is not a puncture. A guy on a Pulsar asks if I am returning from Ooty. I nod my head. He gives me a thumbs-up.

His friend points at my rear tyre and proclaims 'You have a puncture'. I shake my head.

I pull over, near a park where I told two guys I will "see them at Coffee Day". I instead saw them 4 kilometres later with a broken motorycle lying on the side of the road. I do not know whether to grin or grimace at the memory.

The Jehadi calls me right then.

'Macha the <gzz> <bzz> <gzz> is flat da' he says before getting disconnected.

I hope I misheard him. He calls again.

I tell him my story. He laughs. I laugh. He tells me he went over a speedbreaker some 100m before the signal.

What-ay-nice! Two motorcycles, one puncture each. Same spot!

Mandya suddenly assumes pole position in my list of favourite places. I am least horrified now!

A passerby tells me about a puncture shop in a nearby street but will close in 30 min. I use the rest of the liquid in the can. It helps me move 200m, but I turn into a wrong street!

Horror does not cease to horrify me!

I start the motorcycle, shift to the first gear and drag it... or did the motorcycle drag me?

I am getting disoriented. I find The Jehadi trying to call me on the phone. Someone should tell him that it is not easy to answer a phone when one is getting dragged by a bike.

The puncture-fixer looks at us in disdain, more so at the "local tube' I used.

The Jehadi runs off to get a tube for himself while I pull out one that I keep for such joyous occassions.

'Use a good one, like Dunlop or MRF' he tells me.

'I use a good one like Dunlop or MRF and there is a puncture within 6 months. A local tube lasts almost a year. Now you tell me' I say.

He doesn't tell me anything. He sniffs and asks with a grimace ' Did you use that puncture liquid?

Ulp!

Both tyres are fixed. We get one more tube... just in case, but I'd rather there are no more. I just want to go home. Its past 9.30pm. And Bangalore is still 100kms away.

My meeting with Rocky is not destined. So I tell him I will take it the next day. I am sure Rocky is wondering why I am being so late, both ways!

We then stop at Channapatna's Coffee Day at 10.40pm. Chappatis at Indrapratha and black coffee at CCD. I estimate reaching Bangalore at midnight, but I am too worried to make a prediction.

Such a predilection towards predicaments.

We cover the rest of the journey without trouble. I advise The Jehadi against taking N.I.C.E road to Electronic City, since the journey wasn't nice to both of us.

At Brigade road we part ways. Exactly at midnight.

12 kms and 10 minutes later, I reach home... that's got to be a record for Old Madras Road.

The Jehadi messages me 10 minutes later- "finally finally finally reached home".

Ooty to Bangalore in 12 hours or so, a distance under 300 kilometres. Three times in a row.

This must be a record too.