Episode 242 : Anger management

'Going home?' he asked.

I gave a warm smile and nodded. As I reached the door, I couldn't help noticing that I did not respond with a retort that smacked of hidden scorn, derision or sarcasm. Something like 'Where else?' with a bored shrug to accompany it.

Because I seem to have metamorphosed into a person who can joke and laugh and retort sharply without realising it. Or be rude intentionally. And lash out in ways that make friends cringe.

I see my friends try to put it behind them and still be friends with me. I justify my hot-headed behaviour, saying that they brought me to it. But when tempers cool down, it takes while before I look at them in the face and smile.

It feels hollow and apologetic no matter how genuine it is.

'Sometimes I am afraid to talk to you, you lose it so rapidly'

It came from two people on two different days. It made me smile. It also made me sad.

I was surprised at how quickly I achieved what I wanted- an ability to lose my cool when needed, instead of tolerating everybody and everything.

It also made me ask whether it is worth it.