Episode 276 : The kid who played Charlie

'There is a fancy-dress competition tomorrow. Who wants to participate?' the class teacher asked.

A few people raised their hands. They then lined up to show their acts.

An hour or so later, the teacher picked two boys for their evil dwarf act. I, meanwhile, pondered over an idea.

To play Charlie Chaplin.

'Anybody else?' the teacher asked for the final time and I raised my hand.

'What will you do?' she asked.

'I'll play Charlie Chaplin' I said bravely. She looked amused and let me demonstrate my "idea".

It started with a line of introduction and a statement that I was going to the market. I walk lively and slip over a banana peel that I fail to see. My attempts to get up fail miserably and I slip and fall over and over again.

The entire class was in splits. The teacher went pink, laughing. I maintained a straight face while claiming I did not know why I kept falling. The teacher accepted the idea but suggested I include a support act.

PK volunteered, so we created a brother called Johnnie Chaplin. We added an argument to the act that ended in a few punches.

'The competition is tomorrow morning. Do you have your costumes ready?' the teacher asked.

'Oh yes' I nodded vigorously. Vague memories of a black-and-white outfit came to mind, which PK and I did not have. So we improvised. A white shirt, grey trousers instead of black and a brown hat instead of black. But tie?

I decided to borrow Papa Hyde's black tie. It should have worked in an ideal world, but I was hardly ten and an adult's tie would have stopped at my ankles. It could have been a funny gag, except that Papa Hyde refused to give me his tie.

'Use your school tie' he said.

'But it is blue and has stripes. I want your black tie' I wailed.

He found the idea laughable but didn't relent. Plan B was required. I called PK and we use Papa Hyde's "suggestion" to use the school tie instead.

I should have remembered that I had no prior experience of getting ready for such competitions. We changed into our "costume" an hour before the competition, with the fake moustache and all. But no walking stick.

Seeing my costume, the class teacher was furious.

'What kind of hat is this? Your preparation is sloppy' she thundered. 'And where's your make-up?' she asked.

Uh? What make-up?

I wisely shook my head instead of asking the question. She wrung her hands in despair. Given a choice she would have wrung my neck.

I felt myself go red in the cheeks as the teacher applied a little rouge and lipstick, much to the amusement of the girls in the class. I wondered if it was that or the slap I got five minutes earlier. Their giggling only made me go redder.

'I shall never take you in as a participant in any activity from now on' she said angrily.

Shoulders hunched, I walked over to PK and we practised our act over and over again.

Finally it was our turn. The experience in the classroom was forgotten as we had the entire audience laughing at our antics. Everyone was sure we would win the first prize. But I chose to be pessimistic despite feeling the same way. What if someone else won?

'And the first prize goes to... Edward Hyde and PK for their act as Charlie and Johnnie Chaplin!'

I felt vindicated. The applause thundered in my ears, drowning out the words of the teacher earlier in the day.

Back in the classroom, the teacher reminded us of the Annual Sports Day that would be held a couple of weeks later.

'What can we do?' the teacher asked, to which the class topper promptly suggested 'Pyramids!'.

He explained the idea and the teacher started calling out names. The tallest and strongest students to form the base, the shortest and lightest ones to form the zenith, and others to bridge them.

I sat smugly at my desk, expecting to be called out. After all, I did win the first prize.

But the teacher stuck to her word and never added me as a participant for that activity.

In hindsight, it was probably a good thing. I did not have a pair of white trousers.