Episode 96 : "No means NO!"

Two week ago I walked into the Model Art store at The Forum. I intended to purchase a model of Chevrolet's emblem (one of an eagle). But it wasn't available so I had to be satisfied with scale models of two bikes.

As I waited for my selected models to arrive from the warehouse, in walked a family of four- the parents and two children. The younger of the two, the son, was enamoured by a scale model, a rather large one, of a sports utility vehicle.

The moment he got his hands on to it, he made to sit down on the floor and play with it. The salesgirl was aghast while the parents tried to convince him to wait a while. And I thought this would be an ideal time to test how much body language I can decipher. Having come to a conclusion, I waited for the result.

'It is not a toy' she kept telling the father.

'How much is it?' the father asked, almost demanding to know.

The salesgirl quoted a 4-digit figure with air of finality. And I thought to myself, if you think that is going to dissuade them, think again!

The man fished out two thousand-rupee notes and said 'Give it to me!'

The salesgirl gaped and looked helplessly at the salesman who was watching the scene quietly. I knew he would not come in the way of the sale.

'Give it to them.'

The boy, having got his toy, began to handle the model carelessly. You've got to hand it to the salesgirl for not shrieking.

'It is a collection piece' the salesman told the parents. To which they said they knew and that they have the same vehicle at Hyderabad.

The sale was completed and the family left the store. The result having matched my conclusion, I wondered 'Whatever happened to the concept of saying no?'

Long before that (we go back to a time when I was 2-3 years old), I was a curious child. The days were spent examining things, trying to touch out-of-reach things and putting fingers into electrical sockets. Things came to a pass when, in a bid to save me from myself, one of my uncles would say "NO!" very loudly for me to hear.

It began to happen to often that I ended up calling him Uncle No!

I guess credit must go to the Hyde seniors. Every time I asked something, it was met with a stern No. A few pleadings wouldn't make a dent. Then there would be a final 'No means NO!' from Mama Hyde signalling the end. Wailing loudly wouldn't have helped anyway.

It seemed to set the tone of my life. I began to hear "No!" from various sources, for various reasons and at various times of my life. Some direct and the rest implied. Implied in such a way, that I was torn between being optimistic and being realistic about my chances. Invariably, the implied ones were as bad as the direct ones.

'Kamaraj Road jaana hai, chalenge?'

The auto-rickshaw driver shook his head. The situation repeats a few more times.

I walk all the way.

Blues once asked why two girls took a chance with the old man but not him. It could be that they did not want to take their chances with another rejection? My tolerance being higher than normal when it shouldn't, I subject myself to continuous rejection in a weird, masochistic way.

The Jehadi and I were talking last night and he was telling me about the female population he witnessed when we were at Java City.

I suggested going to the Model Art store this weekend and added he could see more of that crowd at The Forum.

'No da.. you know, that kind of a population doesn't do good to one's psyche.' It only undermines whatever self-confidence you possess. We fell silent after he made that statement.

For 12 years, I kept telling myself things will get better. That it is always darkest before dawn. Barring one year, when my Maker was on vacation, it was always dark.

And still is.

My Maker will have to answer a lot of questions when I meet Her. And I shall be the prosecutor, the jury and the judge.