Episode 175 : Dying inside

It was a terrible thing
It was a terrible thing to see her dying
It was a terrible thing
It was a terrible thing to see her dying inside
To see her dying
Do you remember the things we used to do?
Do you remember the way it was for you?

It appears we are in a season where just about everybody is reflecting on the days that went by and wondering what the hell happened to their dreams.

Last week, all of us attended an all-hands meet. A typical all-hands meet is one where a top executive talks for 30-odd minutes, waits for questions and ends the talk after nobody shows interest in asking questions.

Not this one. Instead of talking what the company wants to do or dreams to do, he told us 5 things that he believes in. Now, we believe in them too. It’s just that we lost track in today's chaotic life.

He talked about curiosity. And he said one line that sort of reverberated in my head.

Once you stop being curious, you begin to die inside.

A few days earlier, I got the feeling life wasn't exciting anymore. The crash had robbed me some of my free spirit and I found myself blaming lack of protective gear for not going on a ride by myself, even though I could have managed like how I did before May.

I shrank from trying out new things, preferring to go with the tried-and-tested.

I preferred to take things one at a time, thinking I should adjust to the new routine instead of trying everything at once and throwing myself into chaos (I am beginning to like this word!)

That day I realised why I was dying inside. I had stopped being curious. I talked about getting out of one's comfort zone only when it was convenient for me. I had begun to procrastinate more than what is good for me. And I knew I had to take drastic steps to achieve at least half the result.

I am going to work on that photo gallery website I had been thinking about for months. I went on a ride on Sunday with the usual gang. I am going to try and do something other than going through my MP3 files and making play lists. I am going to try and learn something new each day. I am going to work on my story-writing, and perhaps that book as well.

And I am going to try hard to maintain the momentum.