Episode 364 : Untitled

While clearing out the many unread emails in one of my accounts, I chanced upon some very old emails sent by people I used to know back then as blogger friends.

The kind of people who kept a blog like I did, and wrote about their dreams, their worries, their hopes, and their fears. And that's how we started off as being friends. Being encouraging of the other, sharing their happiness and sorrows, and being a pillar of support when they needed it.

The eagerness in those emails made me smile. I am probably not in touch with almost all of them. Some of them are Facebook-friends now, their blogs having been consigned to cyber-flames a long time ago, or in ruins like dilapidated monuments of a forgotten city.

I wonder what caused this blog to go silent the way it is today. I could easily blame it on work, but I can never justify it when my mind is full of what I want to say in my next post. I see the sentences forming in my head as I get ready for work. I can see how the page would look once I click on the Publish button. By the time I get my hands on a laptop, most of the words vanish and I am left behind with vague memories of what could have been.

One needs a kind of inspiration to write, a muse that makes writing easy. Earlier there were songs that brought out the right words to match the emotions that I was going through. These days it is mostly silence, accompanied by the sounds of keys being typed rapidly.

There were other bloggers whose blogs made me think and motivated me to write. My feed reader account shows blogs that are mostly silent. I read comic strips instead.

There were books that forced questions. These days I read humour, or history, or travelogues. Little inspiration there.

And when I do update the blog, I find the update insipid and uninspiring. As if I updated so that I could still cling onto the notion that I once blogged, and somehow by blogging again I could still do it.

Sometimes I wonder if this blog deserves what I did to it.