Episode 24 : Call me insecure

In the darkness of the room, the lone light came from the monitor, trying to light up the room in vain. Standing by the side of the monitor, from one corner of the room, I looked at the white light casting faint shadows on the walls.

Hello, darkness, my old friend
I've come to talk with you again
Because a vision softly creeping
Left its seeds while I was sleeping
And the vision
That was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence

A silent room but for Indian Ocean softly playing Kandisa.

I spent the last hour wondering why my insecurities had to resurface as inadequacies. Plaguing my self-esteem for as long as I can remember, callusing my adolescence in the process. By the time I turned 22, I had grown blase. I spent the next four years not thinking about them, or letting them bother me like they did before. I had convinced myself of their absoluteness.

Six years of teenaged life had proved beyond doubt, that what I secretly feared, is something I can never hide from. I was scarred for life, but I let life sandpaper it slowly. Maybe adulthood will be less rough on me, I hoped.

And it seemed for a couple of years. But now they are back.

An easy way out would be to to attack those who perpetrate these insecurities, which is what I see others do. Blaming a section of the species for the insecurities they breed within themselves, while remaining unwilling to fight it out.

But then, I rarely take the beaten path.

Afterthought : If you think I am going to spell out my insecurities here, think again!