Episode 117 : Hopes and fears

I always thought that I knew
I'd always have the right to
Be living in the kingdom of the good and true
And so on

But now I think how I was wrong
And you were laughing along
And now I look a fool for thinking you were on
My side

'So why don't you let go of your pride and say what you want to say?'

Because what I want is one thing. And what I get is something else.

Because pride cocoons me from the big, bad world that gives me what I don't ask for.

Optimism survives in the sea of pessimism that I float in. And it is that optimism that pierces through darkness like a thin sliver of light.

Try to understand that I'm
Trying to make a move to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name
But everybody's changing
And I don't feel the same

Hopes And Fears. That's Keane's debut album. And the songs of the album play in a continuous loop these days, except when interrupted by Rammstein, Metallica, or Coldplay.

The interruptions are short-lived.

Nothing left inside this old cathedral
Just the sad lonely spires
How do you make it right?

How do I make things right? I wish I knew. My mind is all but a squishy mass of muddled feelings, opinions and thoughts. And there is nothing I can expect out of it.

A miracle perhaps.

Oh, but you try
Is it any wonder I'm tired?
Is it any wonder that I feel uptight?
Is it any wonder I don't know what's right?

The fears, they make me wary. And the hopes, I wish I had more of. I don't dare hope any more, or even give myself a fighting chance. Because on doing that, I persuade myself to give it another try. And in the end, well..., the end happens.

Sometimes, make that most of the time, I cannot trust myself to see me through this.

After all the misery made
Is it any wonder that I feel afraid?
Is it any wonder that I feel betrayed?